"Feed me money! And lipstick!"

“Feed me money! And lipstick!”

How many times can we say the word “clutch” in this post? We’re not willing to find out, because that would be an experiment which would surely end in tears. What we do want to see, though, is how many of these awesome new clutches we can get into the hands of our customers while they’re still new and hot!

What makes these new clutches so fetch is that they all feature a four-finger knuckle ring fixture, perfect for holding on tightly to all the things you hold dear while going out for a night on the town. They are also perfect for punching the faces of muggers who would try and steal your new, fabulous clutch. And if muggers hate one thing more than the police, it’s being punched in the face repeatedly by a woman with a new, fashionable clutch.

"For the woman who demands her clutch shine like the fire of a thousand suns"

“For the woman who demands her clutch shine like the fire of a thousand suns”

Coming in a variety of styles and colors, there is one for every occasion you could think of. Going out to a bar? How about the bronze clutch with the faux snakeskin? This clutch right here says that you aren’t afraid to skin your own snakes, which is what every man secretly wants in a woman. Especially if the woman has been able to find, capture, kill and skin the ever-elusive bronze snakes from the legends of old. This bronze, faux snakeskin clutch says you’re tough as nails, and if people don’t believe you they can get a face-first introduction to the skull on the knuckle holder. Not that we can EVER recommend hitting anyone (except in self defense), but just the threat of this thing is enough to make most haters revert back into children and start wetting themselves uncontrollably. Seriously.

"Bling a ding dong"

“Bling a ding dong”

Who doesn’t like bling? Well, lots of people it turns out. But those people aren’t really people are they? Anyway, we’re not talking about the anti-bling baddies; what we’re talking about is this next clutch, which features what doctors and scientists have come to classify as, “A crap-ton of rhinestones.” The rhinestones all over this clutch make it seem as if the bag has just been infected with “Glen-Campbell-Singing-Rhinestone-Cowboy-Disease.” Which isn’t actually a disease as much as it is a case of the awesomeness that is Glen Campbell singing that iconic song.

White Knight

White Knight

Have you gone black, but now you want to go back? Well how about white? How about white with rhinestones and the same badass knuckle holder? How about hell yes? This one is our personal favorite here, and even the men around the LeatherUp offices are walking around with them now. Mainly because we’ve been forced to under threat of being lambasted with other girly products throughout the remainder of 2013. And I do not look good in women’s chaps.

"Ooooh, shiny!"

“Ooooh, shiny!”

Finally we have a Pewter snakeskin (again, faux) clutch that is just beautiful to behold. It glows. It shines. It does everything you want a handbag to, while resting comfortably in the palm of your hand. It also instantly transforms any outfit into FABULOUS with just the quick snap of the clasp. We tested this “feature” out on our office manager, and the moment she shut the door on the pewter clutch the whole office exploded with rainbows, and we’re not entirely sure, but fairly positive we heard the whinny of unicorns from the street below.

Well, there you have it folks. Some of our latest offerings for the ladies, with more products being uploaded weekly! Stay tuned, fellas, because we have some kick ass belts, flasks, jackets and more coming up soon!

Until next time, we’ll see ya then!

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